06
May

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Blogging I mean.

We somehow convinced him to take off the too small tie.

The words are there, sloshing around in this forgetful brain of mine. But I’m not good enough at putting them out there without sounding angry or sad – or trite – which is maybe worse.

It’s hard to continually open up and share – even when you want to – knowing you probably won’t get something back. Or only negativity. Hard is probably the wrong word, and not what I mean.

Just feeling all the feelings tonight. And I already ate an ice cream cone.

xoxo

21
Feb

Wow, yesterday’s post brought out strong feelings in some people. It was interesting to here some of the comments. A few of the comments really warmed my heart too.

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2010 – At the Children’s Museum. Charlotte was two months away from turning four, Ben was 17 months, and Libby was two months away from being born! Look at their sweet faces!

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2011 – Celebrating my Grandma Kilby’s retirement from the USPS. Libs is ten months here!

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2012 – We moved my dadJeff back to Colorado after living in Nebraska for almost five years for work.

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2013 – Libby is two months shy of three years old, Haddie is two months!

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2014 – One of our Happy Sunday! pictures I try to take every week. Elizabeth is (again) two months shy of being four, Charlotte is two months away from being eight (!), Hadley is fourteen months, and Benjamin is almost five and a half. They are pretty awesome. (You know this was taken with my phone right? I still haven’t used my camera since December. Luckily we are going out of town this weekend to meet some Iowa relatives in Nebraska and I’ll be able to annoy so many more people by constantly trying to take their picture!)

Thanks for walking down memory lane with me.

xoxo

19
Feb

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Will holds five month old Haddie while the older kids practice tae kwon do.

*******DISCLAIMER: I COMPLETELEY UNDERSTAND THAT THIS A DEEPLY PERSONAL TOPIC THAT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE AND SHOULD BE DECIDED BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. NO JUDGEMENTS HERE.********

Hm. I don’t even know where to start with this. I know going into it that I won’t be able to pour my heart and soul into it they way I should. I know people are against it. I know people think it’s insane. That makes it kind of hard, you know?

The topic is having a lot of kids. Or: when to stop having them.

First off, let me say – in all of the mommydom that is ALL over the internet, I think this topic is sadly neglected. If you’ve seen the blogs/threads…send them my way.

Secondly – I get that this topic can make people uncomfortable. I was probably 3 kids in before I knew asking something, “Are you having another?” was rude. The internet taught me that. I honestly had no idea. So if you’re one of the people, I offended. I had no idea, I’m so sorry. And here’s to all you who asked me the question and made me think that it was okay – why didn’t you tell me it was a socially unacceptable question?

People on the internet get vicious. “It’s my uterus I’ll do what I want with it!” “Do you want me to ask you about your sex life?” Or things of that nature. I’m obviously not like that. If you’d asked me before Haddie I would’ve said, “No, we’re probably not done.” Immediately after she was born? “Yes. No more ever again.” Now? “I don’t know.”

I make up my mind both ways every day. Which is super helpful and confusing.

Something I have actually said out loud to my husband, “I wish someone would just give me a newborn.”

Something I thought in my mind, “I wish it would just happen on ‘accident’ and then the decision would be made.” Darn you being a responsible adult and having to make life-altering decisions.

There are lots of excellent, sound reasons to stop having children. Whether it be your first or fifth. A lot of times the decision is made for you – health reasons, advanced maternal age, financial difficulties, unsupportive partner, etc.

If you are not dealing with any of those issues – there are also lots of wonderful reasons to NOT stop. Watching my four kids love on each other is without a doubt one of the very best parts of my life. I believe 100% that children are a blessing. You don’t have to be ‘religious’ to think that either. I have heard more than one person comment, “I wish we’d had another one.” “I would have another one in heartbeat.” I haven’t heard the opposite.

I also like the argument, “You already have four, what’s one more?” Haha.

I just asked myself this question tonight: Do I want another child or do I just want another baby?  I would delight in a newborn, but I would delight in an almost eight year old the same way I currently do delight in my almost eight year old.

Gah. This is coming out all garbled and not what I meant. I have no idea what we’re going to do. Except pray! I realize I’ve probably offended most of you and the rest of you think I’m off my rocker for discussing such a personal decision. I just need to vent my feelings out into the internets. I’ve been completely consumed by this topic for the past few weeks. It’s like a timer went off and it’s all my brain can think about.

Let’s recap: C – 4/06; B – 9/08; E – 4/10; H – 12/12

What year is it? 2014? No wonder my brain has a fire alarm blaring in my ears. I obviously can’t (and have no desire) to do that for the rest of my life. I also think there is something primal to feeling this way. Instinct maybe.

When we first got married we said maybe four, maybe six.

I had something else, but I completely lost it. If you’ve made it this far, you are a saint. Thanks for reading my made-up drama. xoxo

P.S. This post is for venting purposes only. In no way am I asking you to weigh in on whether or not there is a seventh Spaid. You’re free to have your opinion, but malicious comments will be deleted.

19
Feb

I say this every time I sit down here, but I really want to blog more. I just spent a little while catching up on one of my favorite blogs and I’m like….gah….I miss that so much. Just to have something that is mine, you know? Something that documents our stuff, whatever it may be. I sincerely don’t even remember the last time I blogged, I KNOW!, so my blog doesn’t even exist at this moment. I’m writing this in hopes that it will soon come back to life.

I have the week (!) off work, due to my employers traveling and the little one being off at Grandma’s. Charlotte’s at her homeschool enrichment program today. Will and I worked really hard and cleaned out the entire garage and BOTH vans (We are seriously so cool, I can’t even handle it.) yesterday. So I feel okay with sitting here in my clothes that do not match and hair that looks like something died on my head. That’s the problem with short hair. It doesn’t care that you want to work out – and therefore shower – at night. It’s just like, “You went to bed with wet hair. I hate you and think you’re stupid.” My options are: 1. hat; 2. getting my hair wet again and styling it; 3. trying to style it with some kind of heat – which I really suck at. The hat wins a lot of days. Do you know what would solve this problem? Working out in the morning! That would be ideal. Someone please memo Hadley that she needs to start sleeping without being {literally} attached to me.

The other part about not blogging for a long time is knowing where to start. Should I go back to the last time I blogged? Pick random pictures? Events? Oh my gosh, that reminds me. I haven’t been taking pictures even. Another reason to get this going. I just unloaded (downloaded?) my camera card…from Christmas. In case you forgot, it’s February 18th. So it’s been awhile. I haven’t taken a picture with my big camera since the 29th of December. It’s the saddest thing. I just want to be so much better at everything.

I do take pictures with my phone all day everyday. Very rarely is there a day that isn’t documented in some way. And Instagram. I am WAY obsessed. Serious. It’s like a mini-blog. You just post a picture and a caption and voila! And sometimes my captions are so long it really is a blog. I’m Six of Spaids over there too, so if you miss this you should look for me there. I don’t publish everything to Facebook….because reasons. I think I said it before, but I should figure out whatever widget it is to let me have my Instagram on my blog. I’ve seen it, so I know it exists.

Whew, I’m wordy. I’ve just decided to recap December 2013 for you now. In unedited pictures, you know the drill! (Oh my word, overedited pictures make me want to claw my eyes out. Please stop.)

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That one time we went to the Candy Cane Festival with our friends.

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That one time I directed a Christmas musical and 3/4 of my children were in it. And my husband.

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That one time I really should’ve worn make up to our first Christmas celebration…

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…at Will’s parents’ house.

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That one time I let the kids decorate the basement tree completely alone and Ben wore his shirt backwards, Libby wore a summer dress, and (not pictured) the baby wore pajamas.

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That one time it was Christmas Eve…

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…and my heart almost exploded with joy and thankfulness.

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That one time it was Christmas morning and our kids got a mini air hockey table.

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That one time we went over to my parents’ for brunch on Christmas day…and then left for Iowa that afternoon.

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That one time we celebrated Christmas with my brother’s family…

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…and later that night my DadJeff’s family. (Ben and my two nephews)

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That one time we celebrated yet another Christmas with my DadDarrin…

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…and his parents.

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That one time we went swimming at my aunt and uncle’s gym.

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And finally that one time we packed everything up and drove home. And I never got my camera out again. :)

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That one time I decided to add this picture from my phone at the last second because I love it so stinkin’ much.

xoxoxo

19
Oct

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Today.

This is kind of my face whenever I think about it too.

I’m in complete denial about her turning one in two short (and boy, those –er months are short) months.

It feels like she was a newborn and then I blinked and here we are.

It also feels like I haven’t slept in 67 years. So there’s that.

xoxo